On April 14, 2010, I was browsing in one of the bookstores in Quezon City. I came across a magazine with a witty quote from Lady Gaga on the cover. I was waiting for a friend who was so eager to tell me about her new found love. I love my friend but that time, I dreaded the impending meeting because I knew that she would soon turn out to be one of those newly “happy half of a couple” who took pity on single career obsessed people, gulp, supposedly “people like me.” I do not consider myself career obsessed maniacal boss, since when being determined to do your job well a form of sickness. It seems it is more normal and healthful to be a slacker at work and just make do instead of do great. Once we finally met at a caffeine peddling cafe, she sat with a beam of sunshine on her face but as soon as she sat and saw me start to light a cigarette, I saw how her eyes slowly saddened. Bang! There it was. She just underwent metamorphosis within 10 seconds, from Samantha Jones to Catherine Middleton, the new Duchess of Cambridge. To her, I was the Filipino Chinese version of Carrie Bradshaw. And as she spoke, her voice was glazed with happiness and an uneasy apology because she was happy and she thought I was not.
After I got home, I started making my own witty one-liners (or more). I am not famous but who knows, one day when I am dead and buried, some single man or woman will have good use of my lines.
1. Your man will leave you but your career will always wait for your next move. It is patient.
2. If your relationship fails, it may be because you screwed it up or your man screwed you. But if your career plunges, it is usually because of you and that’s easier to take because you can always save it. You can never save a relationship with a man who does not want you.
3. Your man does not always pay but your career is a gentleman, it always takes care of the bills.
4. If you put out for career advancement, you may get paid. If you put out for love, you will get played.
5. Yes it is true that your career cannot keep you warm in a cold rainy night but it can buy you the finest jacket, faux fur and a warm bed or book you in the finest hotel with top rate spa facilities with a masseur with abs to kill and a face to die for. Best of all, he’s always happy to see you.
6. Your career only gets better as you old, especially if you are as business savvy as Madonna. Your man will leave you when you get old, even if you are Madonna.
7. Your man can never support a poor child in the boondocks but your career can, and this may give you a humanitarian award.
8. Your career will always make you look good. Your man may just make you look like a fool, just look at Sandra Bullock.
9. It is better to be the boss in your job than to be the boss of a slob.
10. Sex becomes overrated once you can afford everything that is gold plated.
11. Sex becomes repetitive once you can stack your closet with countless Blaniks.
12. There’s no bigger dick than a fat pay check. There’s no wetter pussy than becoming the next Oprah Winfrey.
Now, this is all just for fun. You should not take these things seriously (insert wink here). I also asked my friend if I could post this and she said “Yes” while she smoked her cigarette. Now who’s Carrie Bradshaw now?
Amanda Tien is a regular guest writer of "The Chair" and a founding member of the Vicious Circle.