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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Love the Song but Don't Catch the Grenade: A Review for Bruno Mars' "Grenade."


Use of Non-Free Media Rationale
Bruno Mars' “Grenade” is one of those beautifully written songs sung by a vocally talented male artist so that women can still believe that there are men out there who are willing to die for a woman’s love.  What a wonderful concept.  I pray for all women of the world.  Unfortunately, dear creatures of the feminine persuasion, men like that do not readily exist except in songs or movies.  It is therefore my duty to enlighten women and some gay men how the male creature operates. Belonging to the male persuasion myself, we men have to reach a certain threshold in our lives in order to die for love.  That threshold is called maturity. 

Most of the time, we have to be coerced to love.  One must understand that hormones still govern our thinking and it is always a constant battle between our reproductive parts and our intermittent maturing brain.  The heart is just the intersection between the brain and the male reproductive organ; we have no choice; the blood has to pass through the heart to reach the other end. Thus, we fall in love accidentally, by course and not the end purpose. Leave it to god, to place the brain so far from the male reproductive organ.  The location is not accidental, biologically speaking; the male reproductive organ has to be far away from the logical brain and the sensitive heart so that the reproductive organ will not be burdened with reason and emotions. If you wish to continue this biological elaboration, please read the latter part of this essay.  For now, let’s get back to Bruno Mar’s “Grenade.”

The song stays under the 5-minute standard length, rightly so, otherwise, many of us listeners won’t have the patient to listen to it.  The lyrics are painfully adequate, with masochistic poetic piercing lines but written excellently without sounding like the rhyming was forced.  The instrumentation is superb and Bruno Mars’ vocal interpretation makes the words even more compelling.  It’s what you call intelligent pop with a Pinoy romantic notion of unrequited love.  Don’t blame Bruno; he is, after all, part Filipino so it is in his genes to be dramatic. 


Use of Non-Free Media Rationale
Personally, I was surprised at myself for loving this song after having caught countless grenades from past lovers.  Believe me, if you have caught enough grenades, this song will sound masochistic and Bruno Mars is in dire need of therapy.  The thing about catching grenade is that it is only the catcher who gets obliterated; the thrower is far away and safe.  Take my advice; think twice before catching someone’s grenade.  There are plenty of fish in the sea, and most of them do not require you to catch a grenade, throw your hand on a blade and jump in front of the train.   Just show up on time on engagement, hold his or her hand when he or she does not expect it, and be by his or her side on the most mundane moments of life, like falling in line to pay your electric bill.  That is the true test of love. If a man stands by you while you choose which detergent soap is more economical and safer for the environment and for your clothes, he’s in love. He has crossed the threshold. He has matured. He is not governed by his dick, and he does not have any more grandiose romantic Elizabeth Barret Browning notions of love. He’s in love and living on planet earth.

It is best to listen to “Grenade” when you are painfully in love and the object of your affection is not reciprocating. Play this song with bottles of soju or vodka, lock yourself in a room and you will feel alive having all that delicious pain that only love can give. The next morning, even with a hangover, play Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable,” or Madonna’s “Express Yourself,” or better Cee Lo Green’s “F*** You.” Believe me; you’ll feel much better and you can go on with the rest of your life.  You may want to listen to any of these three songs repeatedly though.

Fortunately, the video for “Grenade” may offer a different interpretation of the song.  Bruno, as he drags his piano on the street, may be singing about “music” and not a woman.  He would die for his music but his music sometimes does not. He could be singing about the process of making music. He could be singing about his muse. Oh well, the “human” interpretation of the song is more palatable and bankable. After all, pain is a lucrative business.  Now, where did he buy his hat? I would die for that.  

“Grenade”Written by Claude Kelly, Andrew Wyatt, Philip Lawrence, Brody Brown, Ari Levine, and Bruno Mars

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The Biological Male
Oops, you’re still here. All right then, read on.

The main function of the male reproductive organ is to procreate for the survival of the species.  One must remember that the mammalian male reproductive organ was designed when the mammals were not the dominant species on the planet.  It is an old hardware operating in an old software program, and no updates have been uploaded yet. For sole purpose of releasing spermatozoa, the male reproductive organ must operate without any obstacle. The male species is also not the primary sex in the animal kingdom; it is the female, the carrier of life and its protector.  Males are simple carriers of the sperm.  Biologically, one component of the reproductive process, the sperm has to be placed in another organism, an organism that is not shackled by child rearing.  The male creature is then free to feed, fight, pay attention to his own grooming, copulate and expose himself to countless perils and infection so that he can develop his immune system, create resilient genes and be physically powerful.  These are key ingredients that a female need in order to produce a superior child.  Once a female has found the perfect mate, she takes him on and in some species, eats the male after copulation, not because she hates the male but she is doing it for her kids. It’s all for the children.  

It is time for us males to upgrade our hardware and upload new programs because women have upgraded and uploaded many years ago.  Personally, I upgraded my hardware and installed new up-to-date programs but my whole system crashed because of a pesky Trojan virus called love. I cleaned it now with an anti-virus program called Sardony 2011.

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