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Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Suicide Remedy

DISCLAIMER: Please take this as a joke. I'm sure you're smart enough to see the sardony in this.

The Suicide Remedy
An Open Letter from the Devil Himself to Filipinos

            Killing yourself might be the most cleansing thing anyone can ever do.  It can wipe away the most stubborn of stain.  There’s something about ending your life that rattles the rickety foundation of human justice and even the covered eyes of Lady Justice can excrete bucket full of crocodile tears that can turn her blindfold translucent and become temporarily blessed and cursed with sight.  A suicide goes well with an apology, and executed in the most cinematic venue.  You need a brilliant director, profound as Bergman, sardonically brilliant as Allen, absurdly eccentric like Waters. You need a well thought out plan, executed precisely at the right timing to turn black into luminescent sainthood white.  Nothing cleanses than a suicide.  It also helps if you inhabit a paradigm where death is almost always considered a political and social commodity.  Death in the Philippines can make and destroy presidents. Death induces collective amnesia.  A suicide is the best test to see if the raging white knights have wolves underneath their armors.  Then again, it was the mad mob that storms the Bastilles and not the knights. Oh well, no one will ever say that the Philippines is France.

            If you were to commit suicide, I suggest that you soil yourself first. After all, it is pointless terminating your life for doing something trivial.  Redemption in the eleventh hour is God’s way of saying, have fun first.  It is perfectly fine to live blissfully in sin and then live piously in the last hour.  Now, that’s my kind of salvation. You know, I almost regret rebelling against the almighty eons ago.  Please focus on “almost.” Personally, I have never contemplated suicide.  I cannot tell you my reason though otherwise He will kill me. Adieu.

Sincerely, really,
Lucifer Morningstar

Notes on the painting
“Arria and Paetus”[1784], oil on canvas, by François-André Vincent

In this painting, Aria shows his husband Paetus how to commit suicide.  Paetus joined a failed uprising against Emperor Claudius.  As punishment,  Paetus was exiled then brought back to Rome to be imprisoned. In Roman Times, suicide was a noble thing to do for a prisoner.


In Roman times, suicide was not entirely considered unlawful.  The Romans had a pragmatic view of suicide.  In fact, in the Roman colony of Massalia (Marseilles), people who wanted to commit suicide needed only to apply to the Senate. If their reasons were valid, they were given free hemlock, a popular form of poison at that time.  The Senate would only reject your application if you were a slave, a soldier or you were accused of a capital crime.  The reasons for these exceptions were purely economical.  For example, the State would lose the opportunity to seize the property of the accused person if he had committed suicide before the court proved his guilt, if he was really guilty.  You just got to love those Massalian Senators.  [Source: Wikipedia]

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